Highway to hell
February 4th, 2010
“When you take your eyes off the road – even for a split second – you’re endangering all of society” – unidentified Ontario police officer on national television (paraphrase), commenting on the recent prohibition of handset-use-while-driving
Trying to bluff your way out of a speeding ticket by asking, “D’you want me to watch the road or the speedometer?” was a lame joke 40 years ago. Now, apparently, it’s the law of the land – keep your eyes glued to the pavement or millions will die.
Well, no. It all depends on context. When the context is the murderous evil you will wreak from talking on a cell phone, then you should never, ever take your eyes off the road. But what about a shoulder check? And don’t those driving nannies say you should check your rear-view mirror every 8 or 12 seconds? You also need to be aware of your exact speed at every moment or risk a ticket.
And you must maintain enough spare mental capacity to ingest the messaging of those overhead government propaganda-in-lights affairs: “You are the solution…to (sic) safe roads.” That bit of lunacy is an actual government message. I am indeed the solution “to” safe roads: let me go 200 km/h with an ice cream in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other, and those roads sure won’t be safe any longer.
I doubt our uniformed Ontario friend would appreciate having his TV news clip played back to him during his next radar shift at the nearby “fishing hole” (cop slang for a spot where the speed limit drops suddenly and the driving fools can be reeled in). His statement is laughably absurd in and of itself, of course; but the very absurdity acquires a certain menace when combined with such an earnest delivery.
Don’t look for logic, consistency or the slightest self-awareness – let alone humour or irony. It’s all part of what Dr.J. calls neo-Orwellianism or post-Orwellianism. This is a species of state communication far beyond “black is white” or “war is love”.
In this state no statement has any fixed meaning; the meaning is entirely dependent on who is speaking and what the purpose is. The same state official could demand a fixated stare at the roadway in one instance and constant checking of the speedometer or mirror the next. Your role is simply to obey. But how? You can be ticketed in either instance merely by guessing wrong.
When did our police decide they should move beyond being disinterested enforcers of the law and become ideological bullies?
